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Janel's Place

Sometimes sparks of genius just have to be typed.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Ultra-deep thoughts about toads. 

So this week I was in communications with Bryce and my dad about life planning. "In communications" is shorthand for intensifying brain grinding with uncertain input, uncertain output, buckets of stress, and a lack of joy and laughter that shouldn't be allowed. This is what can happen when opposites attract. But that is simply background before I disclose the true depth of this blog. Depth that will leave one enswamped in mystifying mental wonders. A story that only the most expert analogists can creep toward and test with their pinky fingers. A challenge for the most ancient and wise philosophers. A well of thought suction. A quicksand of cerebral energy. A sign of signs. Prepare to give the rest of your life bank of independent thoughts. Prepare to have your free time stolen from you by my soon-to-come flow of captivating words.

OK whatever.

So toward the end of yet another discussion of some length that was not at all lacking in earnestness or sincerity, and in an attempt to summarize once and for all for my bleary-eyed, bleeding-eared listener the true statement of statements that would hopefully last a lifetime and ring in the ears of eternity... I paused and grasped for the right words... I paused, I ran through my mental bank of the perfect creatures to properly portray all proper theories of life, God and the universe... and at last I said,

"Bryce... you need to be more like a horse...,"

...and after this I retreated once again in to the silent storm of my mind to think OH so HARD about the next phase of the sentence of sentences! The meaning of meanings! What creature deserved to be the final summation of 30 years of learning and thinking and assimilating!... I couldn't wait too long! I had to think of the perfect creature! I waited, I thought, I could wait no more!...

"...not a toad."

After a magical pause to let the gravity of that statement penetrate the senses, I blessed my rapt audience with the golden meaning underling the golden statement.

A horse, you see, is an animal in motion. Think of an Arabian, not a Quarterhorse. Often one to zero feet on the ground. As this animal prances in every direction, it can be changed to another direction with a simple raising of the hand, or a noise, or a tiny sandwich bag. The horse is alert, the horse is going somewhere. Perhaps it is going in the wrong direction, but as you work with that horse the energy will become harnessable and you will be able to move where you need to go with amazing speed. There are places to go on an Arabian. There is no sitting. The wrong direction is not to be mourned because with energy like that you can snap your fingers and redirect in a simple, short moment.

The toad, on the other hand, is lying in a pool of comfortable mud. The toad is happy, but the toad is large and sticky and uninterested in moving. If you want the toad to move, you have an incredible task before you. Even if it budges, you will get an oozing 6 inches and then it will plop down again and tell you to go away. It cannot be convinced that a direction is worth a trip out of the mudhole. There may not be a better mudhole out there.

Surely God needs horses in this world. Surely God needs someone with some energy to try some things. Surely one who sits in a hole of mud and wants to know for SURE that moving is worth it is someone who will simply stay in the mudhole. Forever. Just be a horse and risk a movement! Just zip out there and give God a chance to flash the sandwich bag if it's the wrong direction! But what can God do if one simply will not peep out of their mudhole? What if one waits for a Vader-type voice to say, "Come OUT of the hole now. It is SAFE. Thou canst hop over to the NEW mudhole and thou shalt suffer no loss. Thou shalt enjoy thy trip. I assure thee of this." That would be cool, but if He didn't do it for Abraham or Jesus I think that one waits in vain for such things.

So anyway, Bryce listens to this kind of talk. He seems to think it inspiring. Although I cannot read his mind, I always hope that he will take the best of my soapboxes and run out and start living his dreams. He's so terribly smart! So terribly good! Just didn't have a fire set under his pants yet. Anyway.

So Bryce wrote down on a piece of paper, "Be a horse." He stuck it in his pocket.

So we finished talking about all this stuff at about 11 pm. We were pretty tired of talking. We had some prayer time and I headed home. I was still thinking all the way home. Thinking of what I could have said. Thinking of what I shouldn't have said. Thinking about what he said. Thinking of where life was going for us. If it was going up, or down, or sideways... thinking... thinking... thinking... finally pulled into the driveway and headed for my door and bed at last....

It is dark. I go to open the door and something large and round leaps from the sidewalk and beats me to the door. I stoop down and it bounces again. My Lord it is a toad. I like toads so I look down and try to touch it. The thing went bonkers scrambling back and forth along the edge of the door. It was so big! Oh well, fine, I'm going to bed. I shoo it with my foot to get it to turn into the bushes next to the door so I can open the door and go inside. It would have none of it. It kept bouncing up and into the door. Dude. So I decide to open the door and step over it. I open the door. The toad instantaneously leaps over the doorstep and into the house faster than I have ever seen a toad move in the history of toads at Lone Tree Ranch. Or Michigan for that matter. It leaps across the rug, past the chair, 3 feet in, 5 feet in, finally deviates to the side and settles along the wall for 15 seconds while I stare at it. I then set my stuff down and made several attempts to catch the possessed toad as it continued its attempts to scale the wall. Finally I caught it. I set it outside and it launched itself into the darkness.

So this is my tale. My tale of toads. What to do with this information? Right now, take a shot of vodka and go to sleep. Smiling and thinking... can toads make up their mind and just stun people? Even as toads? Can they go somewhere specific and fast, almost like an Arabian, just because they made up their mind to do it with a singleness of mind that Arabians don't even know about?

Did God take a moment to play a joke on me?

Teehee. The End.

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Eowyn

Eowyn

If I were a character in The Lord of the Rings, I would be Eowyn, Woman of Rohan, niece of King Theoden and sister of Eomer.

In the movie, I am played by Miranda Otto.

Who would you be?
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