Janel's Place

There's a fruit fly fighting me for my sandwich. My brains are shmoozing down a gel. My car is dirty. What is time? What is time, times and half a time? Flies are best because they have an extra RNAseIII domain on their Drosha. And I actually don't think DICER complex similarities across kingdoms alarmingly support the RNA-world hypothesis and therefore seminar was not as exciting as it could have been. Man this fly is after me. I stabbed myself in the leg with an SDS-PAGE running buffer needle.

It was a pretty good day, starting off with nice mule kisses. OOH I just killed the fly. Looks like wild type. A boy. Anyway, I had class out at the vet school again this morning, and when I got back to campus and reached into the back of the car for my bag, I discovered a giant creamy slime-wad running down my shirt. It was confusing for a while... then I remembered hugging the St. Bernard on the way out of the vet school. A slime-wad that big could only come from a St. Bernard.

Well I need to knock out this chapter. One reference insertion as number 11 involves roughly 300 number changes throughout the text. That is why the arcane referencing "by order of use" method is arcane and should be eliminated from human thinking for all time. But I have a brownie so I'm not mad.
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I'm not really in the mood to blog. But this moment should live in infamy. I'm done with my chapter.

What else. Salmon in Chile get sea lice and feel itchy so they jump out of the water so they can slap themselves on the way back in. A Chilian fish vet said so. I was on the news for 2 seconds and my first and only broadcasted message to the peoples of Channel 9 viewership was "They won't get out." Referring to flies. 9th graders are afraid to put fly vials under their armpits.

I need to go home. Tomorrow I will discover a new sense of purpose for myself now that my chapter is done. Part of that purpose will be to try and catch llamas. Again. These are most likely not the llamas for me, I think they are boys, they probably have berzerk male syndrome, but it will be fun trying to catch them anyway. A good chance to observe llama behavior under conditions of severe llama displeasure. Perhaps they will spit on me.

If I wait a little longer I may get stopped by my favorite police officer. He likes to stop people at 3 am and make sure they're not drunk. I think that's nice of him. It's good that I did not opt to bring beer to the lab on that very very long and frustrating night.

I don't really want to go home. I want to stay here and sit outside Jim's door and hold my chapter. I shouldn't do that though, that would scare people. I'll go home.
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This is better to music. Much better.

Dedicated to the 9th graders at Preston high school, and to Joy

It’s Monday mornin’ again,
Somehow I made it out the door,
Drivin’ with my eyes half closed,
But I’m drivin’ back for more.

The weather’s snowy, cold and wet,
But I don’t really care,
I’m getting’ gray and old and fat,
Thinkin’ Man! My life’s not fair…

But I’m a graaaaaaaaad student,
Halleluuuuuuuuuujah,
It’s amaaaaaaazing, it’s cool,
It’s greater than my wildest dreams,
I’m a laboratory fooooooooool…

It’s all I want, it’s all I need,
Though I’m sleep-deprived, starving and poor,

Oh why don’t you just come with me,
(Oh yeah)
Join me in graaaaaaad school.
-----------------------------------------
P.S. HI Hee Jin. I miss you like crazy, I'm coming to take over your bench.
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I got this email from my sister today. It is capable of creating laughter.

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says...

"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave."















I needed a laugh. Now let's look at the Ten Commandments:




















1: This probably also includes ADF, and even though I hate it I do seem to worship it.

2: I think I'm okay there.

3: I think I'm okay there.

4: I blew that one to pieces.

5: I need to answer mom's emails.

6: Haven't killed anybody today.

7: Haven't done that.

8: I have the lab stapler. And kleenex.

9: Don't think I did that today.

10: I want my neighbor's llamas.

I've broken 5 commandments in one day.
I better end the day before I break anymore.
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The screen again.
I was just here.
This darn red chair.
I need beer.
This horrid molecule.
Same old songs.
Horrid stack of papers.
This life is wrong.
I have no llama.
I have no time.
But I have flies.
All flies are mine.
I have to write.
I want to sleep.
Saturday here.
That stinks.
Who needs to rhyme.
I don’t have time.
Could be worse.
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Psalm 20:7

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God.

Pray for our boys over there! God hears and moves when you pray.
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It is late at night and I cannot sleep. I am completely bug-eyed. I wrote a song and now I am starving. A fairy left a triple box of peeps on my desk yesterday so I just ate three of them. Not three boxes. Three peeps. I feel pretty bad when I bite off their heads. Maybe a sugar rush is not the best way to get sleepy, but it's that or the rat food. Or I suppose I could eat my frogs. I can't believe I just thought that.

I finished reading Hosea, and I don't get it all. I get the major idea, but I don't understand why God laid it out that way. Why does He like to portray major events in human actions and relationships? He does that rather consistently. Poor Ezekiel. I guess before talking to Ling I hadn't realized what an honor it would be to be chosen by God to live out a prophesy that people would read about for 1500 years to come, but understanding people's reactions to these requests does not help me understand why God chooses to do things that way. It's a big part of God's nature and I'd like to advance a level and know why He does stuff that way.

Actually, I just described Jesus' time on this earth as well. Whatever truly happened in Eden was something in the spiritual realm that I barely understand and lamely (new 1 a.m. word) explain. Odd physical realm rituals were instated and eventually God entered our realm and walked to death on the cross in plain sight of everyone and "fixed" the issue for us, then zipped back into the spiritual realm where things were really and truly fixed, leaving us the physical realm reality to remember and wrap our minds around. It was a play. It was God's plan and purpose enacted through people, but what really happened was in the part of the story we brush over. Jesus died. That's how you get to that realm. It is still the greatest mystery of all as people don't take notes and publish papers about what they find there.

An eternal soul. Gain entry to the world through birth. Exit in death. Limited thoroughout by memories only spanning from entry to exit. Who let you in? Duh, your parents. But the Bible says differently, it says He thought of me before I was even incubating.

Would He let people in who will never call upon Him all the days of their lives, or is that so impossible for me to fathom that I fall back on my parents being in ultimate control and God being pleasantly surprised by my arrival and I end up believing in Him because… well just because?

God let Adam in, I buy that because it’s the only option, but Adam proceeded to orchestrate the fall of all mankind. It appears God can handle rejection.

God caused Jesus to materialize in presumably a genetically humanoid form. Another leap of faith, but honestly there is no way any “normal” human would have a right to “die” for me. Two more buzz words that remind me that the spiritual realm is the real issue here. There was something unique about Him. I feel a digression coming on. [...but as C.S. Lewis said, is it so impossible and unusual and supernatural for God to set up this “virgin” birth when every single birth is darn miraculous? Scientists might try and trick you into thinking it’s not because we can “create life” in a tube, but are we taking a little too much credit here?]

But anyway, God utilized the time and place and Mary and Joseph as His stage setting, for reasons we don’t 100% get, and once again the world watches as God moves thorough people to get stuff said that has to be said. To get stuff done that has be done.

I wonder if any of this will make sense tomorrow. But despite my idea that I would be dying in an hour I am actually more awake than I was when I started therefore I will work on my chapter. Insanity cannot be fought, only endured and put to good use if possible. That was a really cool quote that I made up because I must be an undiscovered genious. Unfortunately I cannot spell genious. Actually that reminds me of why I’m not a genious. It was squelched out of me when I was taught to color inside the lines.

I almost forgot. I have been offered llamas. What do I do? Voice of Janel vs. Voice of Reason. Darn Reason.

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I had better write a nice blog or I'm going to get reported. I'm actually in a nice state of mind today. Last night I turned in another draft, then took a shower, brushed my teeth, felt like a human again, and did not think about ADF for two solid hours. I dreamed I was swinging around on a trapeeze. In dreams I can experience things I will never do in life... I am so glad I can remember my dreams. I have not yet heard back about how awful the draft is, therefore I can rest in my ignorance and get ready for lab meeting this afternoon. Writing the chapter is so much more horrible than lab meeting that I am actually enjoying preparing for lab meeting.

Epidemiology was fun again -- we're going on two classes straight now. The cool thing about survival analysis is that it makes enough sense so that when he throws in little reminder here and there about how various parts of equations are like ones we have seen before (in the time period wherein I remained completely confused all the time), I can achieve some retro-understanding of this incredibly weird class.

Herein comes my amazing philosophical analogy of the day. It came during class, and I missed 2 minutes of class while I worked it all out.

I am a come-from-behind horse. I didn't start out that way, I used to run neck-and-neck the whole way and often set the pace, but as race-horses change with age (sometimes) I have changed. Back in the old days, I broke from the gate and headed around the track without really giving it two more thoughts. I had to get ahead and the destination wasn't really all that important. Now that I am old (in school-years), I find myself spending some time in the gate wondering. Why am I in this race? Where are we going? ...Am I a horse? When I figure those things out, I run with purpose and usually can finally end up at least in the pack if not in the lead. Did I give up too much to gain that purpose? Would it be better to just break fast? I don't know, but it doesn't really matter because I am now a come-from-behind horse. In this class, I am coming from way in the back and starting my acceleration.

Maybe there is a life application here as well. I'll have to work on that later. But I like my philosophical moments. They are very entertaining.
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I was coming out of BMB seminar on Tuesday, staring at my little memory clip drive because it has a cute dog on it and I use the thing all the time but hadn't really paid attention to the cute dog. I was also thinking about the horrible chapter, and just plodding along behind Norm Curthoys feet as we all made our journey out of the room to the hallway to turn the corner and plod back up the stairs. But lo, one must not always mindlessly follow the crowd. I looked up from my musing to find myself halfway in the men's bathroom.
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There is no hope.
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Learned a great, deep thing in epidemiology today. "Death is an event of interest."

Must agree. Gotta type some more.
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It's a beautiful day outside. I'm in the lab. I'll feel much better when I figure out exactly how many fly lines I need and how I'm going to make them. I need to see a pathway out of here... this thick jungle of experiments and ideas. I fear I'm going away from the light instead of toward it sometimes. I wish I could get even a glimpse of what is beyond the light. I guess a lot of people find happiness in what they are doing, who they are with, where they are headed.... I would say that these things are satisfying to some level, but I seem to have been born with this need to know why I'm doing what I'm doing. How does today fit into the grand scheme of my life? I put my head down and keep walking for a while, then months, years later I pop it up and I still don't know where I'm going. It's scary to think that it could be the same story ten years from now. What if the right path is two steps to the side and I lack the courage to jump over onto it?

Well it's Saturday. I have ten minutes to stop and think for a while and as usual it doesn't help.

1500 years ago, Ezra left Babylon with a host of Israelites to help rebuild Jerusalem. Chapter 8 finds him camped by the river flowing to Ahava, deviod of the king's soldiers and protection as he had claimed that God alone would protect them.

Ezra: "Then I proclaimed a fast there at the river of Ahava, that we might humble ourselves before our God, to seek from Him the right way for us and our little ones and all our possessions."

They fasted and entreated God, and He answered their prayer.

In Proverbs 30, Agur asked two things of God:

"Two things I request of You (deprive me not before I die): remove falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches— feed me with the food allotted to me; lest I be full and deny You, and say, “Who is the LORD?” Or lest I be poor and steal, and profane the name of my God."

Sooooo God seems a little inaccessible sometimes. A little farther away than I wish He was, His plans for the here and now a little more obscure than I find comfortable. But what about His promises?

John 14:

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

I think I'm pretty satisfied with His promises. He hasn't given me enough knowledge of the here and now to satisfy me, therefore I have to seek Him.

Acts 17:

And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.

He wants people to seek Him, and when they do He answers their prayers. Why I look for answers hidden within circumstances I don't know. Laziness I guess. God looks upon Janel and slaps His forehead. That's in the Bible somewhere.

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The soldier stood and faced God,
Which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.

"Step forward now, you soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.

"Step forward now, you soldier,
You've borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell."

~Author Unknown~

















It's the Soldier, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It's the Soldier, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It's the Soldier, not the politicians that ensure our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. It's the Soldier who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag. If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for the Military, please pass this on and pray for our men and women who have served and are currently serving our country and pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom. THESE COLORS DON'T RUN !!!



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