Janel's Place

I am a moth in a water trough. I was fluttering around zig-zagging this way and that way, not sure where to go or what to do, when I spotted a big interesting thing and decided to check it out. I stuck my foot in and 'sluuuurp' it sucked me in and for a little while I thought I was going for a fun little swim. Off and on over the years of floating in the trough I wavered between thinking I was still swimming in a fun little pool and wondering if I was really just stuck... until one day it dawned upon me that I was actually trapped in a water trough and I couldn't get out even if I wanted to. What then?

Some days I imagine that I love water troughs. Some days I just float and try not to think about where I am. Some days I have a flutter fit and try and get those wings out of there to leave the trough behind forever. Sometimes I talk to the other moths about the day we will all break out.

What is the best way out of the trough? Will someone pick me out? Am I going to find a wall I can actually crawl up to get out? Will I drown in the trough? How about this line: why am I in the trough? Am I supposed to defeat the trough? Am I dumb to stay in the trough instead of find the nearest wall and go back to where I came from? Why do I have a fatal attraction to the trough? Is the trough just a fancy collection pan for idiots?

Anyway. Today was a flutter day. It reminded me of the magical vines that grabbed Harry Potter and squeezed him until he quit struggling. The rig drove me to tears again, a sure sign of imminent insanity, quickly followed by the confirmation of insanity when maniacal laughter ensued with the realization that an inability to electrocute maggots drove me to tears. That's just weird.

Tomorrow will be a day of numb floating. I have been calmed by pizza, great friends, and a big mothy gripe session that really served no purpose and should be eliminated from the next fluttering frenzy. I hate the trough a lot, but as a wise Hee Jin once said: "If you hate it that must mean you love it very much." I did love it once, but I think I have to defeat it before I can love it again... and right now it is winning.